Remains

I'm knitting a blanket for my daughter
it will be 9" x 7" x 4.5"
fitting snugly around her.

No, she is not a tiny little girl
out of a fairy tale
although her birth made my life so magical
and brought dreams back into my soul.

It's tiny 3-dimensional blanket
to cover the tiny golden box
that today holds her combusted remains.

Cremation

Maybe among them there might be residues
of previous cremations,
the pulverized cardboard,
the wrapping material around her body.

Are the bodies wrapped so the handlers
don't have to see their faces?

Combustion
It's all a transformation of matter with heat.
Some of her transformed cells
remained in the burning chamber
and will be mixed with other remains.

Some particles floated in the air
and mixed with the dust
that will be swiped away
when the janitor comes buy
during the normal cleaning routine

Some climbed through
the crematorium chimney,
as gases that were devoid of smell
and then released into the atmosphere

Most of it will remain
in this tiny golden box
that I'll wrap in this tiny blanket
knitted in her favorite color.

Was it the first favorite color?
Or the third...
I can't remember the order
of her favorites anymore.

She stopped telling me that
long before her death.

I think of the all these particles
if they are still parts of her, if they hold
anything of what made her
so unique and so loved.

Are they going to spread her beauty
and greatness everywhere they land?
Can souls be rubbed off into others?

What will be wrapped in this tiny blanket
is just a heavy transformed
incomplete portion
of what my daughter once was
mixed with other things
that weren't hers.

My beautiful, precious daughter.
She now cannot refuse my hugs.
I can cradle this little box
for as long as I want.
She stays still all the time
compliant to whatever rules
we impose upon her.

No more locked doors.
No more defiance.
Never late for school again.
never dragging us down.
No more drama.
No more stress.
No more pain.
No more tears in her eyes
No more broken hearts for her.

nothing,
no more!
never again,,,